I know this was supposed to be “Wordless Wednesday” but I’m rambling…  Besides, I just wanted to put cute dog pictures up.

Do you know what happens when I can’t run?

I get GRUMPY.  And I drown my frustrations/injury sorrows in everything in our kitchen – namely, peanut butter and ice cream.  Now I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow because I’ve eaten everything that isn’t nailed down.

I’ve noticed that I take much better care of myself when I run.  Specifically, right after a good long run.  Even stupid little things, like using moisturizer, or flossing.  Right after I get done with a good long run, I feel like I want to do other things that are good for myself.

Oh sure, there are times when I just don’t feel like running that day.  And in those times, I do get a little frustrated, but it’s a different kind of frustrated than the way I’m feeling right now.  Now that I CAN’T run, there is nothing I want more right now than to lace up my shoes and go pound out a 20 miler.

I miss my long runs.  They are my “me time.”  They are the times when I get to just zone out and think about nothing.  Or think about anything and everything.  Whatever I feel like that day.  It’s just my time for me.  I haven’t had a good long run in two and a half weeks – not since my 18 miler.  Oh sure, the first 10 or 12 miles of my long run a week and a half ago were good, but then it all went downhill and that kind of put a sour note on the whole thing.  I’m starting to go a little stir-crazy.  I used to think people were weird when they said things like that, but now I completely understand.

I have my orthopedist appointment on Friday morning and I am absolutely terrified that he’s going to tell me it’s something that requires weeks of rest to improve.  I want to go there, have him look at it, and say I’m good to go.  And then this weekend I can try my 20 miler again.  Unfortunately, I’m pretty much expecting that not to be the case.  Even if it looks okay, I know I shouldn’t jump right back in to 20s.

I know there are plenty of other races.  I know I’m the only one who this really matters for.  But it’s still making me crazy.  I set out to do my marathon on May 30th.  And if May 30th rolls around and I’m not running, I’m going to be so frustrated.  Even if it is for the best.

I think I’m already mentally preparing for the worst and shifting my sights to the September marathon instead.  If Buffalo works out, fantastic.  If not, I’ve already dealt with the disappointment.  But man, that’s an expensive race shirt and goody bag.