I’m afraid to run on my knee again.

I know it’s fine, but I’m so nervous I’ll take about three steps and feel that pain again.  I don’t want that to happen.  I was going to go for a run tonight after work, but while we were walking the dogs that same knee got tight (a different feeling than the problem I’ve been having – just uncomfortable), and I wimped out.

That’s right, I’m a wimp.

I got my husband to promise me that he would go for a (very short) run with me tomorrow.  He just got the go-ahead from his surgeon to jog in straight lines (ie: no playing football any time soon) on Friday, so he can finally run with me!  He’s been functioning on a torn ACL since 1996, so that’s pretty exciting.  We won’t go for long, and we won’t be going fast, but we’ll at least be out there.  If my knee is feeling alright, I’ll keep going after he’s done, but I really have no idea how it will feel, and I’m very nervous.

Another confession, along those same lines…

I haven’t yet switched my registration for Buffalo down to the half marathon.  There’s something about that that feels like wimping out.  Even though I know it’s not, and it’s probably the smart move, I’m hesitating.  It also doesn’t help that the cheap side of me is saying “but I already paid for the MARATHON.”

I wasn’t told I couldn’t do the full.  I know it depends entirely on how I’m feeling.  So my current plan is to get some miles in this week, go out for a long run this weekend, and see how far I can go (without overdoing it).  If I can get to 20, great.  If not, I’ll switch down to the half.  Most likely I will be switching down.  And I know that’s okay, I’m just not thrilled with it.  I’ve been planning on this full for so long and it just seems like such a let down to not get to do it.  My in-laws and friends were going to be there to cheer me on, and now I don’t think they’ll be coming.  It’s not quite the same.

I just have to keep telling myself there are other marathons.  I can focus on the one I was planning on for September instead and not kill myself trying to get through Buffalo.

But I still really really want to try…

(No Julie, I won’t do anything stupid.  I promise.)